Murphy's employees laws

  • When your workmates absolutely guarantee they'll take care of your duties while you're on vacation, they won't.
    Corollary: the week you're gone, will be the "week from hell" you now have to catch up on.
    Sent by David Orr
  • The more work you are promised, the harder it is to find.
  • Some one always gets the good jobs first.
  • Your unemployment check always comes after you find work.
    The last three laws were sent by Rick S
  • The ideal job for you was filled right before you found out about it.
  • In a job interview you need to be well spoken, clear, pleasantly dressed, confident and polite. Even if you are you wont get it.
  • The job you want is well paying, interesting, fun, rewarding, conveniently located, or attainable; pick one
  • Employers are either all the things you'd hate in a co-worker or start looking for another job.
  • There are demerit points for originality when one is caught.
  • If the boss doesn't understand your work they will either ignore it, pretend they did it, or Freak out.
  • The 10 minutes presentation or video stating everything on how the company caring about you as an employee and as an individual was originally a brilliant April fools joke until a vice president decided that some of the grunts are dumb enough to believe it.
  • The happiest person in the company cannot ever be trusted.
  • If your manager has nothing bad to tell you for too long you will soon need their reference.
  • Your current boss is the worst you've ever had until the next one.
  • Free thought is a capital crime.
  • The most enthusiastic worker doesn't get paid any better than anyone else.
  • You will never get fired at the beginning of the day. Your boss will think this is a good thing.
  • The more you hate a job and wish to leave the longer you end up staying put.
  • The person interviewing you had less than half or your qualifications when they got the job and will want twice what you have.
  • If you've always wanted to do __________ during an interview ____________ will get you arrested.
  • Losing a job is never as much fun or as dignified as you imagine it.
  • If you bring your voodoo doll/adult magazine or embarrassing cream to work your boss will find it.
  • If you get used to thinking "screw you" after every superior speaks to you you will blurt it out sooner or later. Unless you're a phone sex girl or a stripper people will mind.
  • Being yourself will have to wait until you get home or at least a bar.
  • The uniform you have to wear comes in two sizes small and pinches things.
  • The uniform you have to wear was designed by a color blind masochist who likes laughing at those who have to wear it.
  • The more you have to pay for the uniform the less likely you will be to ever wear any piece of it.
  • There will be one photocopier in the office everyone hits in order to make it work. This will be secretly known by most as the best office equipment in the building.
    The last 24 laws were sent by Francoboom
  • Your Boss will always call you, when you aren't at your desk.
    Sent by Julius
  • If you come late to the office, the chances are, your boss is already in his room.
    Sent by Mohamed
  • When most important task awaits you get most number of interruptions.
    Sent by Viswanathan
  • the last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all errors until the next person is fired or quits
    Sent by Shaul
  • It's not about the award it's about the achievement.
    Sent by Alix Hein
  • When you are convinced everything works just fine you are overlooking something
    Sent by Aad Kooijman
  • Equal Oppertunity programs aren't
  • If you want to know what is going on, ask those who are under you.
  • If you want to be busy, say that you have nothing to do.
  • You will always be caught, usually the first time you do something others have been getting away with.
    The last four laws were sent by David G.Carroll
  • No matter in which domain you are working, it's intersection with the field of your interest is always a NULL set.
    Sent by Abhinaw P.
  • Two thirds of the time spent making a decision is used to justify the decision already reached.
    Sent by